Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
