roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
