remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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