you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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