Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
