Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess

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(408): View more from California

When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!

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(760): View more from California

What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

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(815): View more from Illinois

He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

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(541): View more from Oregon

he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.

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(785): View more from Kansas

When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.

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