Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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