This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm really busy with my period
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