Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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