He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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