Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
