I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
