we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
