told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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