My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
