If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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