Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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