I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
