connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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