ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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