ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
