apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize