Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize