Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
