Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
