I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
