is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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