We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
