Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
