why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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