Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
