I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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