Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just shotgunned beers for America
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
