right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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