I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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