The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
