You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize