moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
