Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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