Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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