Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
