wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
