there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
