Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
