actually, I'm a sock model
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
