She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
