He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
