Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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