I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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