no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
