I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
