The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
