my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Randomize
