you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
