My sheets look like a crime scene.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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