I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
