I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
