Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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