just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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