her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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