I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My life is pants optional.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
