So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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