Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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