Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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