I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
