i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
