So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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