Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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