I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
