why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize