Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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